The NAIA Football Coma

It’s early on this Saturday morning, I’ve got a brisket on the smoker and I’m killing time until it’s magical juiciness is ready to eat. So let’s play a game.

Since about 2011, I’ve been in what I would call an NAIA football coma. I’ve watched a few big games and followed some of the coaches that I was pretty close with through the years. I’ve came in and out of consciousness from time to time, but in reality I really haven’t given the division my full undivided attention.

So just for fun, let’s pretend I woke up yesterday and saw the preseason NAIA Football Top 25.

1. Morningside (Iowa): Ahh, not much has changed. I assume they’ve won a couple national titles. (Googles it) Oh, they’ve won one. Uhh, okay.

2. Benedictine (Kan.): Okay, okay. . .that’s good. Larry Wilcox built that program from the ground up. I wonder who took over for him? Oh. . .he’s still the coach? Nice!

3. Saint Francis (Ind.): Ha, look at that! An eight year coma and nothing much has changed. Top three all intact. Makes sense!

4. Kansas Wesleyan: Wait. . .wut?

5. Saint Xavier (Ill.): Ahh, No. 4 is an anomaly. SXU still getting it done.

6. Concordia (Mich.): What the shit? These guys have a team? Huh, good for them.

7. Marian (Ind.): Okay, someone is messing with me. Another mainstay in the Top 25 with Marian. Things aren’t so weird after all.

8. Baker (Kan.) – 9. Dickinson State (N.D.) – 10. Reinhardt (Ga.) – 11. Northwestern (Iowa) – 12. Grand View (Iowa) – 13. Lindsey Wilson (Ky.): Okay, this all seems about right.

14. Langston (Okla.): Wait, didn’t they try to go DII like 4 times?

15. College of Idaho: 20 years of talking about adding football finally pays off!

16. Bethel (Tenn.) – 17. Cumberlands (Ky.) – 18. Evangel (Mo.): Ahhh! Some more of the obligatory NAIA staples in the polls. Makes sense.

19. Southeastern (Fla.): SouthEASTERN Florida? Does that place exist? Seriously. . .the phrase made my mind go on pause for three minutes and I almost went back into a coma.

20. Southern Oregon – 21. Georgetown (Ky.) – 22. Ottawa (Kan.) -23. Rocky Mountain (Mont.): Once again, this all seems normal.

24. Dordt (Iowa): UHHHHHHH, WUT? How is this possible? Good job Dortians!

25. Montana Western: Seems like this is where Montana Western is left off about every year.

Alright, gotta go check the brisket.

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